Welcome to a fantacy in which the 3D Morning Show at WMBD Radio 1470 AM in Peoria, Illinois is a bar and the hosts are regular patrons. (These tavern stories are just metaphorical tales.)
The WMBD 1470 3D Morning Show
Tavern Episode 1
A man walked into the bar.
Man: "Fill me up with high test."
Bartender: "Sir, this is not a service station and you are not a car."
Man (insulted): "I am a car! I want gas."
The bartender began laughing incredulously.
Doctor at the pool table: "Hold on barkeep, everyone is entitled to his own opinion."
Bartender: "But his opinion is wrong!"
A man eating Oreos in a nearby booth: "Judge not that ye be not judged."
Bartender: "Come on - isn't it obvious to you guys he's not a car?"
From behind the 8 ball: "His opinion is equally valid as yours or mine."
The bartender, tired of always being considered out of touch, was undone by such profound wisdom. He left and returned with a cold mug of petrol that his patron promptly consumed, instantly becoming deathly ill.
Bartender (back to reality): "Is there a doctor in the house?"
Talking Cue Stick: "I'm a doctor of sorts."
Gas Guzzler (choke going shut): "I need a good mechanic, not a doctor!"
Bartender: "Help the man Doc, he's dying!"
Left hand English-Meister: "Maybe, but I don't force my views on anyone else; 19 ball in the center pocketů"
Cookie man: "Maybe an Oreo would help."
Bartender: "You're all CRAZY!"
"Its not nice to call people names," whined the Oreo.
"That's right, You're INTOLERANT!!" screamed the Doc.
Inconspicuous man (by the jukebox): "Why can't we Dahl just get along?"
Note: This bar is open 24 hours. Eight Ball and Cut Throat is often played from 6 to 10 am.